Saturday, November 26, 2011

And Another Shoe Falls: Snoring Is Your New Reality

Hey angry ladies!
Just returned from a trip to visit family for Thanksgiving and wound up sharing a hotel room with my husband plus my older daughter...the younger one chose to sleep with my mother in another room. She said it was because of my snoring. Well, hello! As if my mother hasn't raised a few roofs in her day! I distinctly recall sleeping in the bathtub when I had the misfortune of sharing a hotel room with both my mother and my aunt in my Golden Youth. Truly one of the most frustrating and sleepless nights of my life.

As for my husband and daughter roomie, he had brought a good supply of earplugs and offered her one of his spare pairs. They slept better than I did. And the second night my husband bravely ditched his plugs and told me I didn't snore. At least not that night. So there.

Yes, it's one of those things like skin tags and crow's feet. If you're not snoring now, you will be. Or maybe you already do and your partner is kind enough to not tell you.

I have also developed an ugly snort when I'm sleeping sitting up in the car or in front of the TV. I wake up to the sound of a farm animal grunting, realize it's me, and then I look hopefully to my husband for reassurance that no one else heard. He gives me a sympathetic smile.

My husband snores sometimes, too. I don't kick him or wake him. I know he'll stop eventually. But somehow snoring is not so ugly on a man. He's expected to be a growling beast at times.

It's just one more way that our dignity and our illusion of feminine beauty is compromised. Women won't generally 'fess up, but their partners will often bring it up in a social setting. Guys like to out us on our snoring.

Is there hope? I understand that losing weight often helps. Gee, isn't that the answer to all our problems? Failing that, there are all kinds of things to buy at the drugstore that claim to stop snoring. I tried one once, but it was icky and it didn't work. Maybe you'll be luckier.

Another indignity we share. The good news is our daughters will join us one day, and their daughters will complain about their snoring, too.

So there.