Big Dumb

I don't call people names arbitrarily. When I do something childish like refer to the President of the United States as a Mental Midget, you should know that I am achingly sincere.

I really hate Stupid. And I don't mean the ignorant who lack education and knowledge because of poverty and other dire situations beyond their control.

Winnie The Pooh really annoys me because he's just a stupid marshmallow in mindless pursuit of food. Maybe it hits a little too close to home, I don't know, but he was never heavily promoted at my house when my girls were little. In a questionable moment of parental candor, my husband told them that Mommy didn't like Winnie the Pooh and why. Hostile gesture? I don't know. But they seem to have moved beyond it and it hasn't come back to bite me yet.

George W. Bush was born into it all: money, the best education that money could buy, and parents with their well-bred Eastern jaws so tight they could share DNA with the Tin Man (can you say "Oil can"?).

Somehow, George W. parlayed all this into a mediocre educational career, a questionable military career, a crony-and-oil-supplied political career, all the way to becoming a Good Ole Boy presidential candidate who could barely say his name on the debate stage. It was so blatantly obvious in 2000 that this was a stupid, stupid man, so inarticulate that you could almost feel sorry for him. His performance was such that, had he been a high school freshman on the debate team, he would have been pulled offstage.

After the debates, I would gleefully dial around to all the media pundits, anxious to hear them agree with me that Bush was an idiot. And then, of course, life and politics being logical, the debate and thus the whole presidential race would clearly go to the Democratic candidate.

You know what happened. Through some kind of mass hypnosis, even respected political pundits (i.e., those who I like) shrugged their shoulders, shook their heads, and said: "Well, you gotta hand it to the guy. Bush pulled it off. He's the clear winner." HUH?????? I punched the remote frantically--too late, they were all pod people.

The same scenario in 2004, only this time we knew the clear danger we were in. We had had 4 years of Bush, after having him crammed down our throats by the Rich, the Right and the Supreme Court (hmm, a new soap, perhaps? Starring Katherine Harris? No stage makeup needed.)

This time, aided by the requisite dirty tricks a la Ohio, it appears the American people may have actually voted Bush into office. No one to blame but our Collective Self. The Reds for sheer stupidity and voting their own $elf intere$t$; the Blues for letting it happen. For actually letting the Evils hypnotize us once again We put a bona fide war hero in the running, one who also questioned the war, but had done his best for his men. They said, "He ain't no hero," and we said "Really? Thanks for the tip!" and slapped our foreheads when they slipped another election by us again.

(INTERRUPTION FOR REAL LIFE: I'VE HAD TO ASK MY HUSBAND TO STOP PRACTICING "WHEN I'M 64" ON THE ACCORDION WHILE I VENT MY SPLEEN. IN THE SAME ROOM. HE WAS KIND ENOUGH TO STOP, ALTHOUGH HE'S CLEARLY NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.)

While we can't account for the stupidity of the Reds, other than to say that they're finally On Top through the systematic Dumbing Down of America, how did the intellectually and morally superior Blues let ourselves be beaten, annihilated, and kept down by these, our own American-bred evil-doers?

Maybe it's not Bush who's the Big Dumb after all.